My first Blog

Well, I've decided to write a blog as a result of a constant battle with my own mind.
I think that if I write down what I am feeling then it will not feel so strange.
Is it strange to feel like my mind and myself don't connect sometimes?..... Sometimes I just feel like my mind is not me. I mean it is my head after all... how can thoughts that i generate myself confuse or scare me when i generated them???? How can a body which has grown up with me for 19 years do things which i don't understand or like.

My name is Rose :) I'm 19 and am a generally an outgoing happy and laid back person...... I love my life, my job, my friends, my family, and my boyfriend. There is just one thing which i don't like.

MY MIND! A lot of the time anyway. I suffer from a very over-active mind, to the point where I get so dizzy and faint, have panic "attacks" and even hallucinate (when completely sober). The later being something which happens 24/7! I know that talking about things often helps, even if it is in the form of writing a blog which nobody will ever read in the hope of finding some answers.

My anxiety issues really hit home about 3 years ago when I used to take a lot of drugs. LSD was the main culprit and cannabis use worsened it. As soon as the hallucinating started and anxiety began to stick I did stop taking things all together. 3 years down the line and things have not improved.

I have taken some illegal drugs in those 3 years but nothing notable. It was hard when all my friends were eating pages of acid and having no visuals at all, and all i had to do was drink some coffee or deprive myself of sleep and i would see carpet patterns crawling up the walls.

I have learnt to cope with the anxiety and accept that I am always going to see things differently but I am beginning to wonder if there is a way I can tame, or stop it all together.

Well, I don't know if that was long or short as far as blogs go but that's all I needed to say I think. Hope to keep you posted... If "you" is anyone :)

X-Rose-X